Reading my email this past weekend, I began to wonder if I'd been linked on http://www.rapeartist.com/. Just like the last time I wrote about something controversial, the comments on my most recent post began to fill up with men (who I'm sure have never gotten drunk or met a strange girl) lambasting me for "asking to get raped."
Although I was drunk in only two of those stories and had had one line of cocaine in one of them, many of them said I deserved it for being a "binge drinker" and "cocaine user." Still others believed I deserved it for hanging around with "scumbags" or "going to strange men's houses." And yet for all but 3 of those instances I was under 18. I guess even if you're a CHILD it's your fault if you get assaulted. Just goes to show you how willing many people are to completely twist the a narrative to put the blame on those who are victimized instead of those who perpetrate crimes. It really proves my original point. Telling women it is our fault we have been raped keeps rape from being punished.
I don't like to disable anonymous posting because you guys should be able to tell your stories anonymously. And in the past I haven't moderated comments because they show just how real these unenlightened attitudes about women still are, how much ignorance and hate is lurking just below the surface. But after reading every last comment, I have decided to delete the assholes.
Because you guys deserve a safe place to write about sexual assault without judgment. Because this isn't a public forum in which every viewpoint has to be represented; it's MY blog for whatever I want to post. And mostly, because it was really fucking fun hitting that little trash can icon.
Keep telling the truth.
185 comments:
right on, it's your blog
this post makes it easier for me to comment on how much the comments for your last post were starting to bug me
not the least was "in harm's way"
wtf, are you a ship or something?
makes me sad to be a guy
let's hope I do better in raising my son than some dads have done with thiers
I admire you for your courage and want to thank you for being so open and honest.
What kind of sick people can say that?!
Is this how they justify their own victims?
Nobody asks for it!
Write on girl, I love to read what you write. Those people who judge you are just assholes.
Cheer up :)
I was at the grocery store yesterday, and I saw all this glorious food that was just asking to be eating. Before I'd had my fill, the police arrived, and escorted me out. What's up with that?
You rock, CC. I wish I had the courage to blog about such personal things. It's not easy, even with the anonymity that the internet can provide.
So, please, keep posting and by all means keep deleting ignorant assholes who have nothing better to do than serve up their self-righteous and hurtful opinions about how other people should live their lives. We don't need to know what they think if they can't say anything useful.
Besides, they are obviously not reading closely enough if they can't see what a brilliant individual you are!
I'm so glad that you decided to delete their uneducated comments. While leaving asshole's comments up are sometimes fun to read, theirs were rather disturbing because you have to think that men like that are out there.
I'm so glad that you decided to share your past as I believe it helps other women to understand that rape is no longer black and white as it was first teached. But rather there are many different layers and colors of rape and just because you don't think it fits into the definition of rape that you were taught, doesn't mean it isn't really rape.
Victims never ask for rape - whether they scream out or not, whether their bodies react or not, whether they were drunk/high or not, whether they invited someone in or not, whether they started to fool around or not. The minute it is unwanted it becomes rape.
It would appear that rapeartist.com doesn't exist anymore. Given the domain name, I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.
As for the issue at hand:
The law recognizes a standard of consent, and whether or not somebody is competent to give it. If a person is in an altered state of mind (high, drunk, etc) they are often considered unable to give consent.
Solution: Don't have sex with people who are high or drunk.
To further muddy the waters, one must also consider that while rape is increasingly shades of gray, so are the things that lead up to it. People (men or women) who behave like promiscuous people interested in casual sex and then reverse themselves at the last possible minute don't deserve rape, but one must also consider that they are not being fair to those around them.
A good way to avoid unwanted situations as a result of those kinds of circumstances is to know your boundaries, and be clear about them from the outset. If you're only comfortable with making out, say so. If your boundaries are ignored...well, that's what tazers are for :)
http://www.philly.com/dailynews/local/20071012_Jill_Porter___Hooker_raped_and_robbed_-_by_justice_system_.html
It's not only men who blame the victim, apparently.
What kind of douchebag would take the time out of their day to leave comments like that for you?
(Sigh) Sometimes it makes me sad that they just hand out penises to us dudes without first administering a written test or something.
Blaming the victim seems to me to be a defensive mechanism. By saying that the victim is to blame, they're also saying that the horrible thing that happened wasn't really that horrible. That the victim wasn't a victim but a participant. And anyone who has been or knows a victim of rape, knows that's bullshit.
There are bad selfish people out there who do bad selfish things and don't think twice about what thier actions do to other people.
I applaud your choice to delete the assholes. People can find enough of that in daily life. What's difficult to find is a place exactly like this where there is truth and not judgment.
Thanks for sharing.
Deleting abusive comments does a great service to your readers as well. Your recent post was brave, gut-wrenching stuff, but I avoided going through the comments for fear of running into some basement-dwelling asshole subsisting on a diet of gonzo porn and Doritos.
Explain to me the difference between blaming the victim and shrouding women in Burkahs to "Protect their honor"..
I guarantee that most men who make a point to silence women's voices and downplay women's rape experiences are in denial about perpetuating rape and/or sexual assault themselves.
They don't like it when rape is called out for what it is because that would mean that THEY are rapists! And THEY certainly wouldn't RAPE anybody!
Oh, Joe Schmo may have penetrated his girlfriend's ass for a few seconds after she told him not to. Or maybe he cornered a woman and refused to let her go until she blew him.
He once continued pumping into a woman after she said she'd like to stop.
But he's no rapist, I tell you!
They want to render the word "rape" completely meaningless.
Here is the complete link for the Philadelphia story of the raped prostitute:
http://www.philly.com/dailynews/columnists/jill_porter/20071012_Jill_Porter___Hooker_raped_and_robbed_-_by_justice_system_.html
and after you read it, here is Judge Teresa Carr Deni's telephone number:
215 683-7223
The one bright spot is the last guy to show up put a stop to it. Maybe he will come forward and identify the other men involved.
For some reason the entire URL won't post. Sorry for that.
Jill Porter | Hooker raped and robbed - by justice system?
A DEFENDANT accused of
forcing a prostitute at gunpoint to have sex with him and three other men got lucky, so to speak, last week.
A Philadelphia judge dropped all sex and assault charges at his preliminary hearing.
Municipal Judge Teresa Carr Deni instead held the defendant on the bizarre charge of armed robbery for - get this - "theft of services."
Unbelievable.
Deni told me she based her decision on the fact that the prostitute consented to have sex with the defendant.
"She consented and she didn't get paid . . . I thought it was a robbery."
The prostitute, a 20-year-old single mother, agreed to $150 for an hour of oral and vaginal sex on Sept. 20, according to assistant district attorney Rich DeSipio. The arrangements were made through her posting on Craigslist.
She met the defendant, Dominique Gindraw, 19, at what she thought was his house, but which turned out to be an abandoned property in North Philadelphia.
He asked if she'd have sex with his friend, too, and she agreed for another $100.
The friend showed up without money, the gun was pulled and more men arrived.
When a fifth man arrived and was invited to join, DeSipio said, he asked why the girl was crying - and declined. He helped her get dressed so she could leave.
It's true the prostitute negotiated sex with the defendant - but not unprotected gang sex at gunpoint.
"The Legislature has defined sex by force as rape," said DeSipio, accusing the judge of "rewriting her own laws."
DeSipio said Judge Deni's ruling was based, not on the law, but on moral contempt.
"Certainly if a jury wants to make that judgment, they're entitled to. But for a judge to make a judgment on a human being - I've never seen that before."
Deni did seem contemptuous of the victim:
"Did she tell you she had another client before she went to report it?" Deni asked me yesterday when we met at a coffee shop.
"I thought rape was a terrible trauma."
A case like this, she said - to my astonishment - "minimizes true rape cases and demeans women who are really raped."
The defendant was charged in an identical incident involving a 23-year-old woman four days later, DeSipio said.
Neither woman knew the other and both told identical stories. The other men involved in the attack couldn't be identified.
DeSipio was so stunned by Deni's ruling in the first case that he refused to present the second one.
"I wouldn't demean her that way," he said of the second victim, calling the proceedings "a farce."
Judge Deni then threw out the second case for failure to prosecute.
Police Detective Jack Ryan, who investigated the incidents, said the victims in the two cases "were in fear for their lives. Since they saw one of the doers really well, it crossed both of their minds that they'd be killed."
Deni's decision to drop the sex charges is " frankly, appalling," he said.
Deni acknowledged that her ruling and remarks would be controversial.
"I know I'm going to get killed on this."
But she said she has to "sleep at night with what I decide."
And on the night of Oct. 4, when she ruled in the preliminary hearing of this case?
"I slept well."
Certainly the victims don't inspire much sympathy.
Why waste taxpayers' money for what some people consider an occupational hazard?
There are enough sympathetic victims without wasting time on prostitutes who ask for trouble, right?
But crimes are prosecuted not out of sympathy for victims, but to maintain the rule of law in a civilized society, to punish a criminal and prevent further crime.
I like Deni, but reducing rape to theft of services?
It's an insult. And it's more evidence of the skepticism and contempt most rape victims - prostitutes or not - confront when they seek justice in court.
DeSipio said he'll file to reinstate the charges in both cases right away - before a different judge, of course.
Hopefully, the next judge will be better able to differentiate between a violated business agreement and a violent attack. *
YOu have absolutely every right to delete those comments. They're depressing to read...
Thank you for bringing awareness of this issue to so many readers, and know that there is real support out here for all of us.
more men need to speak out against rape.
i'm sad to say i know a handful of women who have been assaulted. i'm sadder to realize, after reading your story, that i probably know many more than i'm aware.
i didn't want to make some pithy, cliche comment of support on your previous post. but after the deluge of rapeologists commenting, i had to express my sympathy and support.
you deserve to be safe and secure in your body and no man has a right to violate that, no matter what other choices you make up to the point of saying "no". period. end-of-story.
do the men in your life know some/all of what you've been through? boyfriends, friends, family? I really hope you get the support you need to cope with these challenges. all the best to you, you talented, beautiful person.
Word girl, work it out.
I respect you immensely, I adore your blog and I admire you courage and humor. Thank you.
I love this blog post. Well said!
Good. It's your fucking blog, and I'll be damned if you should stand for being shit on by assholes.
Hello, I'm a new visitor but I really love your blog. There is no defense for the people who say "well, you deserved to be raped then". But as a male I think I can offer some insight into their minds, though again, I do not condone or agree with their attitude at all.
I believe their retarded attitude is based on their belief that if a woman dresses provocatively, or acts like her guard is down, or shows lowered inhibitions, misogynistic men will be drawn to her. That much I can agree with. Couple that belief with a good dose of assholeishness and you get men who jump from the above conclusion, to "you deserve to get raped." And that part I don't agree with.
Just to be clear again, anyone who thinks anyone deserves to be raped is an asshole, and for the record I do not believe anyone deserves to be raped.
Phew! I'm glad you deleted the assholes' comments. I generally prefer to be a silent observer on blogs I really like (this one included), but the comments I read the other day left me so incredulous that I couldn't not respond, so I left a mini-novella in the comments for your last post. People really scare me sometimes.
Yeah, delete them all. It just spiraled into a confusing mess, and I felt nothing afterwards. I regret suggesting that you may have put yourself needlessly in harm’s way. For that, I am sorry. What I meant to say is that you, we as women, could exercise more caution in a world where people, after hundreds of thousands of years, can still call themselves animals and attribute their actions to primitive, biological urges. How far along have we come as human beings even with all of our sophisticated logic and reasoning? Not far. After reading your blog, I see nothing now but creeps and pervs peeking out everywhere behind bushes, and if they’re not creeps and pervs, they’re overly intellectual, future Hannibal Lecters with too much to say, but not really saying anything. Trust no one, CCG, and always, always carry a boxcutter. My girl Desiree btw says she’s got your back. She’ll wait for you while you do your thing if you pay her baby’s daycare bills.
I thought the post was brutally salient.
I thought the most important part of the post was that in every instance, the deciding factor was that you were in the presence of a rapist.
Blaming the female is tantamount to saying every man is a rapist. If you were to abdicate control in private with a man tattooed with "I'm a rapist" on his forehead, then I would say you share some blame.
But that is a dead horse.
The interesting question we ran into (in discussion with friends this weekend) was magnitude and social gravity of sexual violation. In history when conquering a people was synonymous with rape an pillage, would the view be different, both from the victim and perpetrator. Not a non-event, but as part of endemic social violence as opposed to specific individual violence.
Maybe similar to the way racism moralized slavery and murder, conquest moralized rape and murder.
Long tirades blaming victims of violence are rooted in the same hatred as racism, which is properly called sexism and are attempting to roll back the clock and moralize all violence against women?
CC
1) you have been assaulted.
2) you have not been in a position to assist in bringing the offenders to Justice.
3) you deleted some comments from your blog
f'ing hell! How did 3) ever get associated to 2) let alone 1).
Sorry to put it forcefully but for fucks sake never ever hessitate to delete these arseholes and their attitudes and pray that someday there is a real chance of Justice
CCG, No human being deserves to be raped. Sex against a person's will or able-minded consent is never justified or deserved. I don't care if the woman is naked in a room full of men shooting crack. A woman must consent: "Yes, this is what I want, to fuck you."
Sex can be whatever we want: sweet or salacious, quick or lingering, group or solo, but we must play fair, and we must play safe. Isn't forcing yourself on an adult woman who is so intoxicated she can't articulate a sentence comparable to forcing yourself on a child who hasn't the courage or the strength to say no? Rape isn't about sexual pleasure, anyway. It's about power.
Thank you for being so honest about everything. I'm starting to deal with my sexual abuse, and the possibility of not being believed or being blamed for it is the scariest thing. It's good to know that while there's assholes out there, there's good people trying to make a safe space to talk about this stuff.
Reminds me of some show i was watching where the guy (I think a lawyer) says something like "Blaming a woman for being raped is a bit like saying 'Don't you think you were asking to be robbed by wearing that Rolex watch?'"
you're making it sound like everyone attacked you, in my case all it did was initiate self reflection. I even wondered if what I thought was drunk consenual sex really was rape
What happened to you was disgusting, wrong and does not change your value as a human being.
Forget the haters girl, keep on doing what you're doing.
Ugh.
The internet's full of people who love to be assholes when they're anonymous.
Good on you for keeping anonymous posts open -- your reasons are commendable.
I am so sorry that you got such hideous responses.
When will men learn that no means no?
My first sexual experience was a rape. And my second, and my third.
And after that, I have had a few experiences where someone was trying to force me to something that I didn't want to do and stood up for myself, fought back, won, and was ridiculed as being a bitch or an obvious lesbian. Nice gossip, that.
Did I prosecute any of them, no. Of that I am ashamed.
You didn't deserve any of it, and no woman, or man, deserves it either. It was not your fault. I am very proud of you for writing about your experiences.
You're my hero College Callgirl!
It's your blog, you can delete anything you like.
As bob said, it makes me sad to be a guy.
Men who rape children - that seems to me the right description of several of the guys you describe - cannot be defended.
Your best friend's boyfriend, in the first account that you give: was he older too?
I have had, most women have had, some similar experiences to yours. I do, in part, blame myself. They shouldn't have had unprotected se with my while I was passed out, but what was I doing drunk and alone with them? I wasn't asking to be raped, but I knowingly put myself in a situation where it could easily happen. Like the other poster said, is a person wearing a Rolex asking to be robbed? Maybe not, but if they flash it around in a bad neighborhood it's not entirely unexpected. This, by the way, is no judgement on CC. Her post made me think about my own experiences and how much responsibility we have for ourselves and each other.
But you know, aside from attracting assholes, your blog also attracts a pretty intelligent following, judging from the majority of the comments.
You can easily figure out where people are coming from if you install Google Analytics on your blog. It works fine with Blogger (I use it).
Many people like to place blame on someone and say that they caused it because they are too afraid to live in a world where bad things can happen to anyone.
It doesnt matter if you were high, drunk and 25, it would still be rape if you did not want to do it.
People are dicks, dont listen to them.
I had just been broken up with by my John in the Navy, he had cheated on me while away. I met a guy who worked at the restaurant my mom managed. He was so sweet, i really liked him. He was a Jehovah's witness, so i had faith that he had some moral fiber.One night he walked me home, i said i wanted to fool around with him, but when we got to my house i changed my mind. i was on his lap telling him no, and he should go. Next thing i know i'm on my back on the couch with his knees on my shoulders being forced to preform fellatio. i started crying and he stopped and left.
i saw him a few days later and he said sorry for being such a jerk.
rapist is more like it. but i felt like i had brought it on my self.
thanks for letting me have a place to tell my story.
Freedom of speech does not obligate anyone to listen; Choosing not to listen to such animals in your own electronic house is just good sense. It would be one thing if they were offering some form of constructive criticism. As is, they probably saw too much of themselves in your attackers and chose to go on the offensive.
Good for you. I know all too well how good it feels to delete comments from ignorant assholes.
I was sexually assaulted repeatedly by my ex husband. It took a long time to get to a place where I can say that out loud. I can't tell you how many times I've been told it didn't count because it was my husband that did it to me.
Well it counts. Every time I was coerced into performing a sexual act against my will counts. And silence does not imply consent. Not when the only reason you are keeping silent is because you've decided it's easier to just get it over with than to resist any longer.
This is such a big issue for me. Thank you for telling your own stories and for helping others to take a stand. No one deserves to be sexually assaulted. Ever.
i wonder if more people would press charges if we insisted that every man who raped and got away without charges would rape someone else.
would we be more inclined to stop feeling guilty and blaming ourselves if we could see that our inaction could create another victim?
Thank-you for sharing your stories CCG, I'm glad you won't let those assholes keep you from being strong and honest!
You're a great writer and I love reading your blog!
How you choose to live your life, what you choose to consume or inhale, who you decide to associate with... None of it - NONE of it - can ever excuse sexual assault. I hope there's a special place waiting for those eight "men". Someplace none too comfy.
I admire your courage. Keep writing. I love it.
Blaming the victim seems to me to be a defensive mechanism. By saying that the victim is to blame, they're also saying that the horrible thing that happened wasn't really that horrible. That the victim wasn't a victim but a participant.
...
I guarantee that most men who make a point to silence women's voices and downplay women's rape experiences are in denial about perpetuating rape and/or sexual assault themselves. They don't like it when rape is called out for what it is because that would mean that THEY are rapists! And THEY certainly wouldn't RAPE anybody! Oh, Joe Schmo may have penetrated his girlfriend's ass for a few seconds after she told him not to.
I don't think the trolls have to have an interest in reserving for themselves the privilege to rape to justify to themselves venting their disgust here. Like the way rich people will tell you it's rude of you talk about money, the privileged simply create taboos to allow them to deny their privileges even exist. You see it when whites accuse others of racism for breaking their taboos against discussing ethnicity at all, and here when our host receives disgust for simply giving an account how denying her rape had compounded its damage.
It's all the more twisted because these parasite are trading away, comparatively speaking, a dollar's worth of another's well-being for a penny's worth of privilege.
Kia Kaha - be strong.
Your last post was one of the most moving things I've read. I have been fortunate to avoid sexual assault in my adult life and my childhood, but even as a child, I distinctly remember having that fear. There were times, as an adolescent, when I sensed that the very fact of my gender put me in danger of being violated. Thank you for being brave enough to write honestly, and for sending abusive commenters to the round file.
I found your site through slut machine's a few months ago. I was fascinated by your blog, your work, and your opinions. I think you express yourself beautifully. The men in your last post were appaling, I did not want to believe it was true...from what I gather, neither did you. But I'm glad that you put it out there. I don't think you should have to apologize for your narratives. Maybe it will inspire your readers to speak out too.
Your posts are always thought-provoking, but these last couple have been amazing. I have had many friends - and several ex-girlfriends - who have been raped/sexually assaulted, and the damage that's done is long-lasting and far-reaching. It's beyond my comprehension that any man could do such a thing, and it makes me so sick, and so sad that it happens so often.
So I applaud you for speaking out, and for preserving YOUR space as a sort-of confessional/sanctuary for those who feel compelled to share.
Another great blog, I enjoy reading your feelings everyday... it would be cool if you could check out my page as well. Thank you for being so open.
Unbelievable. I read your post on all the times you have been raped, and I was shocked- SHOCKED- that it took you so long to recognise and acknowledge what had actually happened to you. I imagine I would be just like you in such situations- vocally not consenting, but too shocked or disorientated to know what else to do. To think that there are such pigs out there that would then essentially stomp all over the courage you had to own what had happened to you- these people are vile, vile pigs. For every one of them, there is a hundred of us. Remember that.
Unbelievable. I read your post on all the times you have been raped, and I was shocked- SHOCKED- that it took you so long to recognise and acknowledge what had actually happened to you. I imagine I would be just like you in such situations- vocally not consenting, but too shocked or disorientated to know what else to do. To think that there are such pigs out there that would then essentially stomp all over the courage you had to own what had happened to you- these people are vile, vile pigs. For every one of them, there is a hundred of us. Remember that.
right on girl.
Good for you. I honestly believe that it is a person's right to stop any sexual encounter anytime they want.
I started to say that I feel bad for you and what happened to you, but you don't seem like the kind of person that wants pity. Instead I want to say that I give you credit for being able to stand up and say what happened and to realize now that it was indeed rape.
I wonder if men know or care how many times women are almost trained to just let them finish when we stop wanting it...as if we aren't equal partners in sex.
I thought your post was brave.
I hate those assholes. It's your blog and you can write anything and everything you want.
Good for you. I'd like to hear how those same men would react if it was their wife, sister, mother, or female friend who was assaulted. Reading your stories both fills me with rage and shame. Shame that I share the same genitals as those idiots and rage at what they've done. I love the blog, keep up the good work.
visit http://fortressofsolitude2486.blogspot.com
Bang on. Go get 'em.
Hey CC,
Thanks for being honest with us all and with yourself.
I have u in my heart,
AR
I had some similar realizations about sexual assault and the blurred lines surrounding the subject. As a society, we picture rapists as strangers who appear in the night at our bedroom windows.
The more stories I read about other womens' experiences, the more I realize how many times I have been violated. It's amazing how fast it can happen.
The victim often blames herself because of her confusion on the topic.
College Callgirl,
I am an admirer of your writing and I find myself addictively thrilled by your posts when I am at the leisure to read them. Your penultimate post inspired me and I wanted to thank you. I am only seventeen and while I haven't been through assault to the same magnitude, I have been raped. You being open with your experiences empowered me to be honest with my parents about my own horrific sexual experiences.
Never be disheartened by ignorant dicks and please keep writing!
- your faithful reader.
Thank you.
Right on.
Asking to be raped, wtf is up with that? IT IS ALWAYS THE RAPIST FAULT. IT IS ALWAYS THE RAPIST WHO RAPES. Shit, a preson should be able to walk down the street shitfaced, naked and high as a kite without being molested in anyway.
Hell, if we're gonna talk about 'deserving' stuff... If those guys found themselves stabbed & raped to death in the morgning for being such fucking assholes to you and every other woman who has ever been abused, I wonder if they would feel that it was their own fault then? If they deserve that treatment?
Anyways, keep up the excellent work. This is the only blog I follow with any kind of regularity.
although a bit of a stretch, yesterday, i was having a conversation with someone about people who deny the holocaust, and we couldn't wrap our heads around the fact that people can stare conclusive evidence in the face and shut it down. i know i shouldn't try to have compassion for people who beleive girls 'ask for it', but perhaps because rape is such a terribly violent offense, some people cannot fathom one human doing that to another? that one person would violate another person in such a brutal manner?
i don't know. trying to understand people who don't understand is only going to make me crazy.
What a bunch of fuckers. I mean really, let's step up and take some responsibility for an ADULT taking advantage of a minor. Men are such pussies.
Just repeating the obvious, but there is no excuse for assault. Period.
The ambiguity of my own experience taught me more than anything that reading debates online or sex-ed classes could...
Point is, yes, I've hooked up with him before, and yes, we've both been drunk before, but why was I unable to look at myself in the mirror for months after that? Why did I cry so often? Why haven't I been in a healthy sexual relationship since?
There are no words descriptive enough to use as a defense against the assholes who could claim xyz about the "facts" of the situation - that you were out 'partying,' that you 'knew the guy,' and all the endless whatnots...the point is, you know when you've been assaulted, and you know when you've been hurt so deeply inside that you find yourself hunched over a toilet throwing up days later. It's something that I would never, ever want another human being to exposed to...and at the very least you writing about it made me able to realized that for better or worse, it happens.
THANK YOU!
I love your blog and I've been reading it for a few weeks now.
I absolutely hate it when people say "she was asking for it." Regardless of the circumstances, rape is rape. It is and will never okay or acceptable. I could sit drunk off my ass, naked around a bunch of men and they still have no right whatsoever to sexually assault. Kind of dumb/weird on my part to do that, but it would not EVER make it okay.
I get so sick of people blaming the victim. Just wait until it's your daughter, your sister or your mother that happens to and no one takes them seriously.
anyhow. thank you.
I always enjoy your blog. I read many of the comments on your last post, and I was sickened by some, as you were; funny, I liked reading Jezebel until that "grey rape" post, which just seemed harmful. The tone of "Come on, those guys didn't really MEAN it" bothered me, and I couldn't articulate why until you posted about it. I thank you for your candor in this blog. This blog does not seem explicitly political, but you do express a feminist sensibility which is refreshing, grounded as it is in experience. I want to say a lot more, but I don't know how at the moment. I only wanted to express that I am glad that you write this blog. Thank you for your words.
Those that apologize for abusers of all stripes or that look for reasons that the assult could have been avoided have one thing in common.
Fear. The cold finger of fear of this atrocity climbing up their weak spines.
Some fear being the victim or of having those close to them being assaulted and desperately want to believe that if they are vigilant it won;t happen to them and to those they love.
Some fear, as they read the stories, that the little prick of their conscience is right when it whispers "you were a creep" or worse..."you would have been a creep if your sick little plan had actually worked that time." .
The tone of "Come on, those guys didn't really MEAN it" bothered me, and I couldn't articulate why until you posted about it.
In spite of my posts, I have to admit I can think of girlfriends who, if I were to learn from an honesty they hadn't shared with me before, might admit we had sex against their wish not to. If that were to happen, my own account would be that, no, I didn't mean it.
Maybe I'm being too generous with myself in wondering if the omnipresent damage of rape is in challenging the victim's relationship with reality rather than anything in the sex itself. In blaming the victim, her own account of what she's gone through is denied, not only by the afflictor, but by a vocal consensus in her community. It might be a case of the denial severely magnifying the original wound, like a tack hammered in by a wrecking ball.
Withholding an "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I believe your account of the damage I've inflicted" where such events take place is, comparatively speaking, trading away a dollar of the victim's well-being for a penny of privilege. It's funny how people hurt each other all the time -- but never when people are at their most vulnerable.
Good for you talking about that kind of thing. Victims need to know that people will support them and they have the right to not have that happen to them, and often part of the problem is that the perpetrators often don't realize they have done anything wrong.
Don't forget that men can be victims of date rape as well. I have been by two different women, I don't think that either of them knew that they had violated me. I certainly was never brave enough to tell them. It is difficult enough for me to talk about it, or even write this.
Anonymous at 9:21:
Rape is not an espression of lust or sexual desire. It's a expression of power and disregard for the victim's personhood. The penis is the weapon (or a finger or a broomstick or a knife...).
In most cases, rape takes place between people who have a relationship of some sort, but that doesn't mean the perp was overcome with lust and "couldn't help himself." What rapists all have in common is an enormous sense of entitlement - entitlement to women's bodies. Or men's, in certain instances.
It's a feeling of superiority and entitlement that drives men to completely disregard their victims' wants, needs, desires and right to bodily autonomy.
Rape culture thrives when women are viewed as nothing more than receptacles for men's pleasure.
And it's thriving right now.
Rape is a tool used in war and it works because in many countries women are considered the property of men. Raping the enemies' women brings a sense of shame to that community, isolates those women from the men who'll no longer accept them, and often forces those women to bear their children, which brings more shame to the community.
thank you.
i reposted (http://notyourwoman.blogspot.com/2007/10/many-guises-of-assault.html) because i think you eloquently, clearly define something a lot of us have trouble with.
all the best to you.
What I find really interesting about the whole "blame the victim" mentality is that it in no way benefits men. It's basically saying that all men will rape you if you tempt them, that no men have control over their own libidos and can't exerice any when pushed past a certain point. It's an argument that's harmful to everyone.
Good for you for posting about your experiences, CCG. I hope it helped you as much as it did your readers.
you know what increases a woman's chance of being raped?
BEING NEAR A RAPIST.
being high or drunk has nothing to do with it. do we ask robbery victims if they were drunk or high when they were mugged? no? then ignorant asses can GTFO.
CCG, you are an amazing woman. thank you for sharing your stories.
I think it takes a lot of courage to tell the truth about things that have happened in your life. I do sexual risk reduction counseling for a living and AT LEAST half of all the women AND MEN I counsel have been assaulted...most haven't told.
As a counselor, I didn't report it either of the two times it happened to me either.
Thank you for your bravery and honesty. If I could apologize for my gender, I would. Just know, they more you can share with people, friends, the police, the more they can help you.
aa
I understand that you were a minor when most of these intances happened, but you must have been a pretty dumb kid. Either that, or your parents didn't love you enough to tell you to not let anyone touch your unmentionables.
Good luck with the man-free life. As a straight male, it isn't like I can disagree with you. I hope the trust fund lasts.
Seems to make your name a misnomer, though.
antigrrl, you are a dumbass. it doesn't matter if a woman is walking alone, drunk, down an alley one night. the point is that she is not asking to be raped, and she should be entirely free to walk down an alley drunk alone. women shouldn't have to take self-defense classes to protect themselves from sexual assault. plenty of women do, and that's fine, BUT IT SHOULD NOT BE A GODDAMNED REQUIREMENT. it's people like you that blame everyone BUT THE RAPIST that makes victims end up not reporting their rapes.
being a hooker does not make it any less of a rape. you don't have to be a snow white virgin who has never had a sexual encounter to be a victim of rape.
i love how you refer to it as "got raped". just like i went to the store and "got milk". i bet you think most of the women who were raped were sluts who were asking for it, don't you?
I just found your blog and I really love it! I rarely have time to read blogs but I'm going to make time to read you...or at least that's what I tell myself now.
I almost became an escort. I was too chicken. I don't think it's in me. Being in the porn industry I see many women go into escorting thinking it's going to be like videos. I think they need to read your blog. I almost want to smack the women who piss and moan about not being accepted by the top escort agencies. They just want the money that's promised and have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh I meant to comment on your post. Negative comments never sit well with me. Even if it puts light on how backward and ignorant some people still are. Most of the negative comments I get are from people who can't even spell or use the English language correctly. To me because my face is on my site, these are personal attacks and simply get me down. I don't know how you do it. But bravo to you no matter what!
Before you get your panties in a knot, I would just like to say that I'm not a man...
Well, whatever you are, you've never been a little girl. Anyone who has witnessed kids know that little girls will gush. They'll flirt with men and tell them they're their boyfriends like Alfalfa will spray his throat, say "mi, mi, mi," and tell you he's an opera singer.
The notion that can reasonably be inferred from your post is that these little girls should be made ashamed of their own feelings and informed that what they are in fact doing is inviting men to touch their unmentionables, or even that flirting with or proposing to their fathers or grandfathers or uncles mean they are inviting incest. These kids aren't doing any such thing, and you're an asshole.
it makes me so sick when people say, "i'm not a feminist. we dont need to be feminists anymore because sexism isnt really an issue anymore."
its 2007 and yet our society is still perpetuating, in some form or another, those backwards stereotypes that make people think that sexual abuse can be invited by dressing or acting a certain way. something is really wrong in this world when people can lift up their heads and honestly proclaim, with their full selves behind it, that they essentially believe that rape can be justified under certian circumstances.
anyone reading this who has not googled jill porter's story about the raped sex worker in philly, please do so.
that combined with the last two posts make me want to cry and scream at the same time.
ccg, i wish i could give you a hug and a kiss. i wish we could all be as brave as you.
No, I don't think women are afraid to speak about being victimized because MEN silence them. I think they don't speak out because a lot of the people who decide to do so are worthless, attention-seeking, dumb hookers.
So women are reluctant to give accounts of rape not because they're afraid men will vent disgust on them -- but because they're afraid men will vent disgust on them?
Did you ever think that the actual rape wouldn't be nearly as shameful as being categorized with people like you?
So being raped would be ok if it didn't happen to hookers?
How can you stand your own stupidity, Lou? How is it that the agony of being so stupid hasn't driven you to tear off your own skin?
Just so you know, I think you are pretty awesome. Keep it up.
Hey, so I get the impression that you read all of these, so hopefully you'll read this.
I don't read your blog religiously, but I really like your honest tone, which I think is coming from a statistically very unrepresented perspective, and I think it's vital to the internet community to have voices like this. It fleshes out the character of the internet and makes it more human.
Thinking about things from another perspective is absolutely vital to developing a well rounded perspective, and having a blog like this is the closest a good majority of people will ever come to being really honest about their sexuality.
I'm very glad to see that you aren't deterred by the asshat comments that someone in a position as controversial as the one you are in is guaranteed to get. If only more women had your courage.
i heard about this website through my university newspaper. I just spent the last hour or two reading through all your blogs, and i have to say i wish that i had the kind of courage that you do, to reveal these secrets. I've definitely felt the same way about some of the things i've done in my life, and i've even written blogs about them, but never to the same extent as you, and even then i got flamers. I don't know how you keep going. I always end up feeling too scared to continue after reading about what some people think about me. But thank you for doing what you're doing here, and maybe giving me the courage to reveal who i really am, even if it is just anonymously. Even with the flamers :P
Josh
P.S. just so you know, people younger than yourself (19, 20, my age) are now finally being educated about rape, at least at my university. I can't believe that women are blamed for it, or seemed to be *asking* for it by their actions.
antigrrl, i guess you've never had a secret then? never done anything you weren't 100% pleased with? never done anything you couldn't tell anyone?
if this is true, then feel free to make your comments. if this is true, then go back to wherever you're from, because you're not HUMAN.
I think that this is why CCG is writing this blog. Because we aren't meant to have secrets. And she has a pretty big one. One that she'd be looked down on for by the people that love her and care for her. One that means she can't be a completely fulfilled person, because she'll always have this secret from the people she cares the most about. A secret that she can't tell them. So don't tell her she's 'baiting' or 'providing entertainment' or whetever. She's doing it because it's the only way to solve that proble; it's the only way for her to feel like she's having some sort of release for these feelings, these thoughts. What's the point of reading this if you're just gonna bitch about it? Sounds to me like you're the one with your panties in a twist.
CCG, if i'm wrong about this, then i apologize. I'm sorry if i presumed to know your mind and was wrong. I just don't feel like you should be looked down upon for this. Thanks for the courage you're providing for all of us!
Josh
No girl ever asks to get raped. If she does, it's not rape, and what you went through was clearly rape.
Rapists should be castrated. Period.
FYI: I'm a guy.
Your posts on this have been so awesome. I cited it on my own blogging on the topic. And I think your decision to mod those comments makes total sense. Rock on, man!
mike-
i know your intentions are good, but you are starting to creep me out. why don't you just call yourself CCG's Bitch Bodyguard? you're no better than those other assholes by angrily attacking them back with comments like "good luck with your man-free life..." and who the fuck are you, commenting on here 24-7? CCG seems to be your only woman.
sorry, CCG. i am on your side, but just annoyed. delete all the comments you want, but don't feel as though you need an army to defend your position with nastiness for nastiness. it just looks stupid.
My number is 3.
When I was a freshman in HS, some boys, even some I had been friends with in grammar school, locked me in a room with a drunk boy, who I had been making out with earlier in the night. Apparently, because I was a 36D, it was assumed I must also be easy. He told me I wouldn't be allowed out of the room until I let him "kiss me down there". He told me to take my top off. He pointed out that there were other girls at the party who would happily oblige, and didn't I want him to like me? After doing what he asked, a true friend talked the boys outside out of holding the door shut, and I was able to leave the room. The next day at school, my entire class heard a story about how I had begged the boy for sex, and that story was believed until we graduated. I even had to sit next to him in algebra class.
In a perfect world we could all leave our keys in the car, our houses unlocked, and ask a stranger to hold our wallet. We don't live in a perfect world; the sooner a person learns this primary fact and develops safety strategies for person, loved ones, and belongings the better they will be. One can rant until eternity, but being street smart goes along way in preventing victimhood. This in no way absolves thieves and rapist.
Yeah, absolutely. Delete everything you don't like. Everyone knows that the sole purpose of having a comments section on a blog is so that other people can shower the writer with accolades, and heaven forfend that anyone should express disagreement.
i know your intentions are good, but you are starting to creep me out. why don't you just call yourself CCG's Bitch Bodyguard? you're no better than those other assholes by angrily attacking them back with comments like "good luck with your man-free life..." and who the fuck are you, commenting on here 24-7? CCG seems to be your only woman.
"good luck with your man-free life" is an appropriate response to trying to coach girls they are stupid for ever dropping their unconditional vigilance against entertaining any expression of feeling that can be inferred as an invitation to touch their unmentionables.
I don't see anyone else catching the contradictions and logical fallacies I'm catching. To paraphrase Jerry Garcia, somebody has to say something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be me.
Thank you for your honesty. I have read along and identified with so much you have written.
I, too, lost my virginity without my consent. It was literally the boy next door. He was two years older and my friend's older brother. During one sleepover, he dared me to come to his room and smoke some weed. I'd never toked before, and being 14 and all-knowing (natch), I took him up on it after everyone went to bed. For the record, I hadn't had my first period yet and was still built like a child.
Now that you know the ending, he threatened to tell my very Catholic parents that I was tagging every guy in school if I breathed a word. He didn't tell my parents, but he did tell every guy at school - a very small school. As a result, I wasn't asked on dates unless they involved alcohol and back seat action. I dated guys from other schools.
Fast forward some 12 years later and I ran into him in a bar. He did the eyebrow wiggle and it was as much entertaining as disgusting. He even asked if we could start over. BLECH! I let him pay for my drink and casually mentioned that I have a concealed-carry permit (handgun). He didn't offer to walk me to my car.
I am 39 years old now and NO still means NO. I'm better equipped (handgun or no) to prove my point than I was at 14, but that innocence was still taken without my consent.
The fucktards who claim that a woman asks for it are the very ones who should be cellmates with a large, hairy man named Bubba and nicknamed Bitch.
My two pennies...
Delete fuckers = castration of their comments,which is what they deserve. It's so easy to make pussy ass comments about women and rape,and get away with it. I still believe,carry a weapon,girls.And make sure if you think you're defending yourself,against a rapist,that you put HIS fingerprints on the weapon too,after you slashed his ass,so again women won't be victimized,like so many are.When you defend yourself,you have to prove you were attacked.Because in a court of law,you will be victimized again,and have to prove he came at you! This is one fucked up world.
Delete fuckers = castration of their comments,which is what they deserve.
No one is entitled to post on anyone else's dime. There's nothing stopping anyone from a opening pro-exploitation site. It isn't illegal to advocate exploitation.
It's so easy to make pussy ass comments about women and rape,and get away with it. I still believe,carry a weapon,girls.And make sure if you think you're defending yourself,against a rapist,that you put HIS fingerprints on the weapon too,after you slashed his ass...
You are literally coaching women who believe something to demonstrate they don't believe it. You make us all sad, dude.
A person is more vulnerable attacking someone than when they aren't attacking someone. Their neck, nose, and genitals are vulnerable and within reach, you can break the arm by making the elbow bend in directions it isn't meant to bend, the top of the foot is vulnerable when it's within stomping distance, etc.
If you say no and he doesn't stop, no, I don't see how you aren't justified in breaking his arm, his nose, or punching him in the balls. The dick in the last post isn't going to teach his son to verify the consent of his partner -- except maybe as an example of what should happen to a guy if he insists on a compliance.
If your partner is simply dense to your wishes, see how he likes your thumb on the center of his trachea. He has just as many vulnerabilities and pressure points on his body as you do. Swat his throat, punch the inside of his wrists, dig your fingers into his ribs under his armpits, etc. If he responds by trying to crush your sincere resistance, I don't see how you aren't justified in hospitalizing or, yes, killing him. It's your account of your sincerity that matters, not his account of it.
If your assertiveness threatens to emasculate someone clueless you still like, remind him of his opportunity to manage the trust of your vulnerable self. If you've killed his interest, there are plenty of guys who require hardly any coaching to get aroused at the prospect of fulfilling the trust of someone who has no reason to trust anyone. Dispel him of the myth that he is as strong as his dominance. As it requires someone to be dominated, coercion is a form of neediness, and shouldn't be portrayed as anything other than what it is.
Garrison Keillor has gone on in the past of men's attraction to women kept awake by a pea under their mattresses -- if you have trust issues, you have your own romantic archetype you can work.
Mike:
I was thinking about this last night, and I think a big part of the problem is that society doesn't condition girls to fight. Nobody ever taught me to stand up for myself, and when I am threatened the instincts that kick in are more womanly ones - to plead, to make nice, to ask him to please stop. Most men have been raised knowing about fighting and defending themselves; their instincts kick in to do so. And even if I did have the instinct to fight, I wouldn't actually know HOW to do that. I've never punched someone. I think its very interesting that the same society that teaches girls not to be violent, not to fight, to play nice, then turns around and castigates us for not knowing how to defend ourselves.
Ultimately, we live in a world, where women are afraid to walk around late at night by themselves and men aren't. I hate this. It's because women have something that men want. Men can be afraid of robbery and mugging. But that's it. We, on the other hand, are forced to walk around fearing actual physical assault and injury(not just losing one's wallet), because we are at all times carrying with us something more valuable than money, that men seem to want like crackheads want crack. This fear (plus menstruation) are the only two reasons that I wish I was a man sometimes. It still shocks me, at the age of 27. This incredible difference between how men and women perceive dark corners and empty streets, and even familiar companions. On top of this, we also have to fear muggings. When I got mugged a few years back, the experience was a hell of a lot more frightening for me than it would have been for a man, because the entire time I kept thinking that this dude might and certainly could rape me. He didn't. Thanks Mugger! (Also not fair that I have to walk around for the rest of my life feeling greatful to my mugger for not also being a rapist).
Sorry, assholes, but no woman ever "asks for it!"
And those of you who insist on using that silly-assed reasoning to fuck someone deserve to be locked in a men's stall with Idaho US Senator Larry Craig.
I have gotten laid by lots of women and I've had lots of really kinky fun. I don't consider myself particularly handsome, but I do love and respect the ladies. And I do love to get naked with them.
But I have never even been accused of being aggressive, much less forcing myself on someone. I want women to act, be, and feel sexy. Hell, I like to feel sexy,too, and man, I do love to watch them strut their stuff. But, to infer that because a young (or old) lady wears 5-inch heels, a short skirt, or anything revealing or tight is anything more than an effort to supply some much needed eye candy in a sometime mundane world is, in my not so humble opinion, just so much bullshit.
CC, honey, there are plenty of men who will respect you in and out of your profession. When you decide to settle down, don't settle for some asshole who won't accept you for what you are and the experiences, good and bad, that you have had.
That said, keep posting. I need your stuff is great!
You rock babe :) I just read your last post now because it got linked somewhere (and usually i try to avoid reading your blog at work just because of the title).
I didn't comment there because there were so many comments already, but i just wanted to say that I support you... just in general i guess, as a fellow girl, and human being :) See you on Jezebel ;)
-Jew(ess)
You are linked on www.stileproject.com
I was thinking about this last night, and I think a big part of the problem is that society doesn't condition girls to fight....
I think the problem is somewhat broader, in that the patriarchy is relentless in nurturing women's dependence on men.
The second most stressful career is a bus driver. The most stressful is stay-at-home mom. Yet women are denied equal pay for equal work to steer them into this most-stressful lifestyle, and into carrying the men who take credit for carrying them instead. Men have to make the secretaries miserable or else they'll never get to a state of dependence where they have to obey a man. There's a chapter in Vonnegut's Bluebeard where a clueless master sergeant is informed women were throwing themselves at him is because war is a form of protection racket to coerce women into sucking dicks to keep them safe and secure food for their children.
Most women know as much about fighting as the men in their lives. There's just an inherent understanding that intimidating independent women into the company of men nurtures patriarchal privilege overall.
Without this general-level of intimidation, women would have a lower tolerance for their relationships, and then the men who don't even understand how they benefit from it will wonder what's wrong with women that they don't appreciate their domineering. This privilege, with no sense of how they even benefit from it, is how men live in a state not unlike the Truman Show. The rain could just fall on them, and they have no sense that it's unnatural.
Rape is not love making
Rape is not sex
Rape is naked aggression
Rape is physical dominance
Rape is violence
Rape is directed rage
Rape is theft of another's well-being
Rape is a serious crime
Rapist do serious time
I think it is obvious that rape is never deserved, no matter what the circumstances - there is NEVER a reason for a person to force sex on another against their will.
That said, I think I understand where a lot of the "blame the victim" attitude comes from. When I read a post about someone who has been raped 8 or more times, I can't help but feel that the person is not taking precautions against being victimized. This does NOT mean that rape is ever deserved! (Not to mention that many women are careful and still are raped.) What I mean is that the world has evil people in it, and if you are meeting people online and involved in sex work, I think most understand that you will be exposing yourself to those kinds more and often in highly vulnerable circumstances (strangers, clothes off, behind closed doors). We do not live in an ideal world, it is realistic to realize this.
It's like walking through a dangerous neighborhood late at night, you are more likely to get mugged. Do you deserve to be mugged? No. Might you have gotten mugged on a tree-lined street in the suburbs? Absolutely. But you are still being somewhat reckless if you chose to take that route when there are safer alternatives.
That is just my attempt to explain the other side, because I did feel some tension about my beliefs when I read your post.
I do not blame you and you should not blame yourself for the times you have been violated. Bottom line - a terrible crime was committed against you and only the men who commit it carry the blame. But, I do hope you recognize you continue to trust your instincts and be as safe as possible in your work. Minimize the risk as much as possible.
I hope this in taken in the best light possible... that is how it is intended.
I was raped this summer after the guy picked me up for our date. He said he was driving us to dinner. I had known him for six years. We ended up in some dark lot away from anyone. He locked the doors, took my cell phone when I reached for it and held me down.
I guess it was my fault I had become friends with him six years ago... since my best friend and my best guy friend told me it had to of been something I did for him to do that... because I had it coming and I must of have deserved it...
Maybe it was my fault... maybe I did deserve it... maybe I had it coming...
But, now I get the satisfaction when he write our mutal friend saying he hates prison and doesn't think he can handle it for another "eight to ten"...
Thank the high powers I am alive, I am a fighter, I have a therapist, and thank fucking god my parents stood next to me when I went through everything...
Quoted out of order:
What I mean is that the world has evil people in it, and if you are meeting people online and involved in sex work, I think most understand that you will be exposing yourself to those kinds more and often in highly vulnerable circumstances (strangers, clothes off, behind closed doors).
If you're intent is to invalidate anything CCG or the other rape accounts has said, you should note that the above statement doesn't contradict anything they've said.
That said, I think I understand where a lot of the "blame the victim" attitude comes from. When I read a post about someone who has been raped 8 or more times, I can't help but feel that the person is not taking precautions against being victimized.
With this you demonstrate you're a guy without saying so.
By missing the point that CCG's post is about her not realizing what she's been through has been rape, and offering an irrelevant truth no one has denied as evidence, you are
1. demonstrating the same denial she is trying to dispel with her post, and
2. arbitrarily trying to isolate her from a common sense that hasn't contradicted anything she's said.
That is just my attempt to explain the other side, because I did feel some tension about my beliefs when I read your post.
Beliefs you don't demonstrate are contradicted by anything anyone has said. So to you, a dollar of a victim's well-being gets flushed to preserve a penny of your privilege. You are a needy, needy man.
Mike (above)
Dude, You're scary
Time to check yourself in.
Yeah Mike;check yourself in.You don't get it.Little girls are not prepared like little boys are to fight. I don't see a lot of women going around raping guys,asshole.
How many stories has anyone heard of guys getting raped by women in the news? You gotta be kidding me!
Women (a general statement)aren't out in the world like sharks going after men! We're not out seeing what we can do to terrify men,or play or use them. Men on a whole,are very hurtful,and abusive.
And think they can get away with a lot of things,because they're men.
Men are taught this at a very young age.
Men are still paid more than women are,and are still running this world into the ground.Yeah I know i'm male bashing,but who are the ones raping women?
Too many stories from so many other women,about how many times they've been raped,and they're carrying all of this shit around inside their heads,and feeling bad about themselves,because of men.
We have to change the way we bring children up in the world.We can't be lazy about teaching little boys one way to live(be agressive),and then teaching little girls another way to live(being victims of men).
I still believe no matter what,women should arm themselves against men.It's an all out war!
What are the stats: 1 out of every 3 women in their lifetimes are raped? Is that correct or is it worse? How many are unreported?
I still think,women should be allowed to carry a weapon,and women should be able to defend themselves however they can. We're smaller,and not as strong as men,
we're not likely to know,going into a situation,that we're more likely to be raped(it's what i'm reading from these other women's posts)
I still say women,carry a weapon,not as an aggressor would,but as a defensive way,and use it,when you have to! This should send a signal to men,we're not going to be fucked with ever again.
Is there anything in particular I've said your criticism applies to?
Mike (above)
Dude, You're scary
Time to check yourself in.
You busted me, Nurse Ratched. Please don't tell my mother.
On the subject of protection and defense - i'm from the UK and here you aren't allowed to carry anything (That's *anything*) that could be classed as a concealed weapon.
No sharp objects, no pepper spray.
Here we're taught not to fight - instead the emphasis is on letting them get on with it and 'minimize damage'.
(Honestly, official advice states to struggle as little as possible and let them 'get on with it' - so to speak.)
It gets to me sometimes that the criminals and police in this country can defend themselves but not us.
RCX
Yo, different anonymous from the other anonymous' asking Mike to please check himself in.
Mike, it's cool that you point out blatant inconsistencies, but at this point, you are just nitpicking, like picking out all the other dudes who might take your place as alpha male-commenter on this blog. This blog in and of itself is full of inconsistencies and contradictions because it's told by someone who is after all, human. How can you expect the comments to be be consistent when people are here for different reasons? They are different and they will see things differently, and in this case because it is a sensitive and personal issue, it's CCG's right to delete what she finds offensive to her and the other victims of rape and molestation. But it's getting to the point where it's a one man show, and since you've got semantics on your side and you are a very intelligent and clearly knowledgeable guy, no one seems to be able to challenge or even cares to counter what you say...that doesn't mean you are always right. Btw, what is up with all the dollar s and pennies?
Please keep writing about what you want to in the voice you wish to use. Let the assholes who want to judge find another place to spew their "opinions".
Reading all these comments was almost as good as reading the blog post.
I don't think I know a woman who hasn't been sexuall assaulted, we just all chalk it up to something else, 'I was drunk', 'he just really wanted me', 'I shouldn't have gone out with him' and on and on.
Also, Mike freaks me out in a make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up kind of way.
A few points in response to mike from the original anonymous:
First off, I am a woman and am suprised that I come off as a man.
Second, a disclaimer, the way that you write can be very unclear. So, I'm not always sure what you are arguing, but I'll try to respond the best I can.
My intent was not to invalidate or contradict anything that's been said. Also, I wasn't responding the the point about CCG's not realizing what she had been through was rape, I was responding to the fact that her post resulted in "blame the victim" type messages from other users.
I was simply attempting to shed light on that kind of mentality. I self-conciously admitted that even I felt the tiniest bit like "wow, this girl should take more precaution" when I read the post. I think you referred to that as an "irrelevant truth".
I then speculated that blaming the victim may be precisely my response amplified - to the point where well-meaning people forget that rape is always uncalled for. But maybe I did not say that clearly enough. As to the question of whether rape has occurred(/is deserved), of COURSE, precautions are irrelevant.
I think my main point got lost in my saying women should try to minimize the risk - since we are not trained to fight, since we are vulnerable...
I am so glad that others find Mike to be as creepy as I do.
Mike, you are also pretentious, and your comment in response to CCG's comment back to you was like listening to a big ego speak eloquently, knowledgably, but you still get the feeling that you are being fed crap. Oh please, the clueless men standing in the rain at the end with women sucking their patriarchical dicks...I am a woman, and in my experience, women have got men by the balls, much the same way CCG's got you by the balls. And all this standing up for her, how someone's gotta do it although it's a pathetic job, just sounds like you are trying to establish yourself as the know-it-all, stand behind me and I will protect you, patriarch, the same relentless one you had described. You are the same, relentless and downright scary...and probably, desirous of one thing and one thing only: one of CCG's work of art blow jobs.
CC-
I admire you and this blog for one reason: bravery. Your last post made some of our own assaults easier to think about/talk about. I showed some friends your blog and we actualy hosted a discussion about sexual assault called "Sister, Can We Talk?" It had a great turnout and the campus is more aware. THANK YOU!!!!
Not all men are assholes, just the majority.
Hope you make it through with your head up and your feet under you.
Here we're taught not to fight - instead the emphasis is on letting them get on with it and 'minimize damage'.
(Honestly, official advice states to struggle as little as possible and let them 'get on with it' - so to speak.)
Such advice is based on the fact that if the assailant isn't incapacitated, he will retaliate, and I don't think anything I've said is inconsistent with that. But there are circumstances where an assailant will attempt to isolate you that you are better off fighting him, because he will lead you to places where it's easier to kill you. If someone orders you to get into a car at gunpoint, he can kill you easier if you get in the car than if you run. If a stranger walks up to you and wraps his arm around you to pin your arms to lead you somewhere isolated, counting on your incredulity to submit, he can kill you easier where he wants to take you than if you resist him then and there.
Mike, it's cool that you point out blatant inconsistencies, but at this point, you are just nitpicking, like picking out all the other dudes who might take your place as alpha male-commenter on this blog.
1. If your venting of disgust is invalidated by my nitpicking, then I win, and it sucks to be you.
2. "alpha male" implies obediance -- just because I don't take orders from you, that doesn't mean I've issued any. As the queers say, get used to it.
This blog in and of itself is full of inconsistencies and contradictions because it's told by someone who is after all, human. How can you expect the comments to be be consistent when people are here for different reasons?
Whatever contradictions by our host you are referring to, I don't see her using them to justify the selective application of her principles.
But it's getting to the point where it's a one man show, and since you've got semantics on your side and you are a very intelligent and clearly knowledgeable guy, no one seems to be able to challenge or even cares to counter what you say...
The phrase, "Mike, you are right," fits quite nicely in your complaint about me.
Also, Mike freaks me out in a make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up kind of way.
Considering Jackie Robinson pissed off half the country, I'm sure all of those people would have nodded their head if you said the same thing about him.
Second, a disclaimer, the way that you write can be very unclear.
Unless you refer to something I've said, you haven't provided an actionable criticism.
When I read a post about someone who has been raped 8 or more times, I can't help but feel that the person is not taking precautions against being victimized....
I was simply attempting to shed light on that kind of [blaming the victim] mentality. I self-conciously admitted that even I felt the tiniest bit like "wow, this girl should take more precaution" when I read the post. I think you referred to that as an "irrelevant truth".
I then speculated that blaming the victim may be precisely my response amplified - to the point where well-meaning people forget that rape is always uncalled for. But maybe I did not say that clearly enough. As to the question of whether rape has occurred(/is deserved), of COURSE, precautions are irrelevant.
I think my main point got lost in my saying women should try to minimize the risk - since we are not trained to fight, since we are vulnerable...
CCG has given an account of how she hadn't understood what she went through was rape, and your impulse was to frame the victims as failing to take preventative action, which others have made their justification for anonymously venting their disgust on her. Chastising her for failing to take precautions against nothing she didn't think happened seems to literally qualify as irrelevant.
Mike, you are also pretentious, and your comment in response to CCG's comment back to you was like listening to a big ego speak eloquently, knowledgably...
Y'all heard it here: the resolve to speak knowledgebly is pretentious and egotistical. Whaaateeeveeer.
...but you still get the feeling that you are being fed crap.
...he says without referring to anything I say.
Oh please, the clueless men standing in the rain at the end with women sucking their patriarchical dicks...I am a woman, and in my experience, women have got men by the balls, much the same way CCG's got you by the balls. And all this standing up for her, how someone's gotta do it although it's a pathetic job, just sounds like you are trying to establish yourself as the know-it-all, stand behind me and I will protect you, patriarch, the same relentless one you had described. You are the same, relentless and downright scary...and probably, desirous of one thing and one thing only: one of CCG's work of art blow jobs.
I'm not looking for a viking funeral, but if there is an afterlife, I will be able to look the vikings and the samurai in the eye.
You on the other hand refuse to associate anything you've said here with your name.
Dear CCG
I still can't find a way to say
my best friend's boyfriend raped me.
that i, feminist, kick-boxer, jiu-jitsu artist
find myself silent cold and numb
everytime someone says his name.
yeah a penis is a weapon.
it breaks your body
it breaks your heart
it breaks your soul.
or it can.
it's a choice.
that's what hurts most.
and the shame.
the silence.
or [a penis] can.
[a penis is] a choice.
that's what hurts most.
Homina-hanh?
yeah a penis is a weapon.
it breaks your body
it breaks your heart
it breaks your soul.
Dude, you are so threatened by someone giving an account of denying of her rape, you have to portray it as you being persecuted for having a penis. Way to demonstrate the very coercion to deny that shelters the predators you feel persecuted for being associated with.
hell yeah. thank you for being so thoughtful toward your readers. your blog is interesting to me because you are so truthful.
xo
Miss S
Wow... can I just say I love your blog? I think what you've been through and the fact that you hold your head high nonetheless is amazing. I've only just started my own blog but I've been reading yours for a while. Thank you and keep it up. :)
Wow... can I just say I love your blog? I think what you've been through and the fact that you hold your head high nonetheless is amazing. I've only just started my own blog but I've been reading yours for a while. Thank you and keep it up. :)
Mike
I have a real picture of myself on my site, and I have personal information.
I’ve chosen not to comment with a name because I don’t want my name associated with any anger or attack towards you. And I certainly would not want to look you in the eye, not that you have one. There is only a Spider’s Dictionary from where you spin your web. CCG’s blog must be your latest victim. For someone who has no personal information about himself, “mike” must not be your real name. So please, you’re not as tough as you speak, or you would be looking the world in the eye. I am young and I am not as sophisticated as you are, but I am not afraid of you. I have no personal investment in this site, nor do I hope to impress CCG in the hopes of meeting up with her, but I will fight your relentlessness with my own. You can tear me down word for word. I don’t care. It’s not the argument I am fighting. It’s your dictatorship over this site in the name of doing a public service by rooting out inconsistencies. You have monopolized the comments section, making it difficult for others to try and express their thoughts and opinions without fear of being ridiculed or dissected by your logic, which is not without flaw, and if you think it is then you are a bigger fool than I suspect. Just because parts of your comments aren’t taken out of context and then made bold, it doesn’t mean that no one can point out to any one argument that isn’t questionable. It’s just that there are too many from which to choose, and you are just going to come back and spin it in your favor again, or at least you think it’s in your favor. Say what you want, but back off a bit. You are sucking the joy out of this blog, and lately, there hasn’t been much of it. So what if someone wants to leave a sing-song poem about a penis? So what?? Lighten up.
I feel this urge to defend my post again, since it has been so mischaracterized by mike, but the point I was trying to make was SO minor - it's really not worth reiterating.
Mike, you are so on the defensive, relax. All this is is a forum for an honest expression of thoughts, they don't always need to be flawlessly well-reasoned. By attacking from the get-go, you are stifling the conversation from going any further.
If you really are trying to engage in a debate and not just attack, then don't rail against other posts after rearranging them, taking them out of context, and conveniently ignoring the parts that undermine your argument. Talk about logical fallacies... For the record, big words =/= eloquent. Write with some clarity. It's not eloquent unless others can understand you and engage.
(I can see it now - if you're too stupid to understand blah blah... no need for the ad hominem attack, alright? I did it for you.)
anonymous:
You know, people always make this argument about getting mugged because you're in a bad neighborhood late at night, and sure I understand that if that happened to you you might feel your lack of precautions contributed to the crime. But would you walk away from that mugging thinking "You know, I probably wasn't really mugged"? And would you never report it to the police or even tell anyone because you blamed yourself for being in that bad neighborhood? Because that's the experience of being raped for a lot of women. Not to mention how often their "muggers" are guys they know, guys they thought were friends or even romantic partners.
Bravo CCG. I had a huge lump in my throat as I read your post about rape.
As I guy, I could put myself into at least two of those situations (where I was the "assaultor"). Those were times when I was young, stupid and chronically horny.
That, of course, is no excuse and probably explains a lot about my current degraded mental state.
As a dad, I now know what to look out for and warn my daughter.
Thanks
I am a guy and many girls have gotten aggressive with me before and you could say some of them crossed the line. They did things to me without my consent. One of them asked but started in on me before I could say anything. The other ones didn't even ask.
A lot of the posts seem to want to imply that men are always the aggressors and women are always the victims and that is not true.
Mike
I have a real picture of myself on my site, and I have personal information.
I’ve chosen not to comment with a name because I don’t want my name associated with any anger or attack towards you. And I certainly would not want to look you in the eye, not that you have one. There is only a Spider’s Dictionary from where you spin your web. CCG’s blog must be your latest victim. For someone who has no personal information about himself, “mike” must not be your real name. So please, you’re not as tough as you speak, or you would be looking the world in the eye. I am young and I am not as sophisticated as you are, but I am not afraid of you.
Your account of the amount of personal info I have provided is accurate, but I've still provided enough to be held to a single identity. You are anonymous, and therefore refuse to be held to what you say. When you are wrong you are free to post here as another identity.
Would've, could've, should've, aren't.
I have no personal investment in this site, nor do I hope to impress CCG in the hopes of meeting up with her, but I will fight your relentlessness with my own.
How's this for relentless? There is no defense against your personal, hidden agenda.
You can tear me down word for word. I don’t care. It’s not the argument I am fighting. It’s your dictatorship over this site in the name of doing a public service by rooting out inconsistencies. You have monopolized the comments section, making it difficult for others to try and express their thoughts and opinions without fear of being ridiculed or dissected by your logic, which is not without flaw, and if you think it is then you are a bigger fool than I suspect.
So I'm wrong because you want me to be wrong? That's not dictatorial at all.
Just because parts of your comments aren’t taken out of context and then made bold, it doesn’t mean that no one can point out to any one argument that isn’t questionable.
If I've left out any part of what I cite that changes its meaning, feel free to let me know whenever you're ready.
It’s just that there are too many from which to choose, and you are just going to come back and spin it in your favor again, or at least you think it’s in your favor.
You can always make it a first and cite one example.
i know your intentions are good, but you are starting to creep me out. why don't you just call yourself CCG's Bitch Bodyguard? you're no better than those other assholes by angrily attacking them back with comments like "good luck with your man-free life..." and who the fuck are you, commenting on here 24-7? CCG seems to be your only woman.
"good luck with your man-free life" is an appropriate response to trying to coach girls they are stupid for ever dropping their unconditional vigilance against entertaining any expression of feeling that can be inferred as an invitation to touch their unmentionables.
I don't see anyone else catching the contradictions and logical fallacies I'm catching. To paraphrase Jerry Garcia, somebody has to say something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be me.
Say what you want, but back off a bit. You are sucking the joy out of this blog, and lately, there hasn’t been much of it.
My defending myself against posts calling me an asshole makes you unhappy. You don't have my sympathy.
I still can't find a way to say my best friend's boyfriend raped me. that i, feminist, kick-boxer, jiu-jitsu artist
find myself silent cold and numb
everytime someone says his name.
yeah a penis is a weapon.
it breaks your body
it breaks your heart
it breaks your soul.
Dude, you are so threatened by someone giving an account of denying of her rape, you have to portray it as you being persecuted for having a penis. Way to demonstrate the very coercion to deny that shelters the predators you feel persecuted for being associated with.
So what if someone wants to leave a sing-song poem about a penis? So what?? Lighten up.
Thank you for agreeing with my inference the post was meant in ridicule.
You heard it here folks: ridiculing rape victims isn't chickenshit because it's funny.
I feel this urge to defend my post again, since it has been so mischaracterized by mike, but the point I was trying to make was SO minor - it's really not worth reiterating.
Is there any particular anonymous post you had in mind?
Mike, you are so on the defensive, relax. All this is is a forum for an honest expression of thoughts, they don't always need to be flawlessly well-reasoned. By attacking from the get-go, you are stifling the conversation from going any further.
If are free to rephrase anything you've posted casually. Your inability to do so isn't my problem.
If you really are trying to engage in a debate and not just attack...
All debates are inherently adversarial.
...then don't rail against other posts after rearranging them, taking them out of context, and conveniently ignoring the parts that undermine your argument. Talk about logical fallacies...
Again, if I've left out any part of what I cite that changes its meaning, feel free to let me know whenever you're ready.
For the record, big words =/= eloquent. Write with some clarity. It's not eloquent unless others can understand you and engage.
So says the man who divides equality by itself.
I didn’t see the “sing-song poem” as meaning to ridicule rape victims. I thought it was written by a rape victim, and I didn’t see the ridicule in it all. Sing-song does not equate ridiculous. But once again, you just jumped all over it without asking who, what, why. You just assumed that it was meant to ridicule when it could have been a young girl’s attempt to express her thoughts.
As to my personal, hidden agenda, I’d say that my agenda is to bring you down because you have a big head. Yeah, that would be about it. If it sucks to be me, then it really sucks to be you because you’ve been working really, really hard to defend CCG and the other rape victims, and yet no one has stepped up to defend you. Not one comment has been deleted calling you out as a creepy asshole who needs to check himself in. You’re on your own, and you can have the last word because that is all you really have, you and your little dictionary. After you are done clinging onto CCG’s site and squeezing the life blood out of it, find another host with lots of readers/commenters so someone else will listen to you since people in your real life have probably given up. Have a nice life, alone, and keep yapping. It’s actually amusing.
Dude, you are so threatened by someone giving an account of denying of her rape, you have to portray it as you being persecuted for having a penis. Way to demonstrate the very coercion to deny that shelters the predators you feel persecuted for being associated with.
So what if someone wants to leave a sing-song poem about a penis? So what?? Lighten up.
You heard it here folks: ridiculing rape victims isn't chickenshit because it's funny.
I thought it was written by a rape victim...
The plausibility of my factually being wrong is the obvious correction, not that I need to "lighten up." If you thought it was written by a rape victim, you would have simply said so.
I have no personal investment in this site, nor do I hope to impress CCG in the hopes of meeting up with her, but I will fight your relentlessness with my own.
How's this for relentless? There is no defense against your personal, hidden agenda.
As to my personal, hidden agenda, I’d say that my agenda is to bring you down because you have a big head. Yeah, that would be about it.
Thank you for confirming the arbitrariness, and therefore the predatory nature, of your vendetta.
If it sucks to be me, then it really sucks to be you because you’ve been working really, really hard to defend CCG and the other rape victims, and yet no one has stepped up to defend you. Not one comment has been deleted calling you out as a creepy asshole who needs to check himself in. You’re on your own...
So you only know your worth from how dependent you are on others? You'd think Lindberg never got a parade for crossing the Atlantic solo.
...and you can have the last word because that is all you really have...
With no sense of irony, you've ended a post expressing your resolve to bring me down by given me the last word. If only I were brought down more often.
After you are done clinging onto CCG’s site and squeezing the life blood out of it, find another host with lots of readers/commenters so someone else will listen to you since people in your real life have probably given up. Have a nice life, alone, and keep yapping. It’s actually amusing.
How relentless could I be if your resolve to counter my relentlessness ends after 2 posts? It sounds like you need to be told to lighten up.
I'm not taking sides here, but is it just me, or is it really sad that this whole damn thing has degenerated into the Special Olympics?
CCG was brave enough to talk about some really serious shit, and all we can do is argue about it. ::Sigh::
If you witness someone confronting what seems to be the kind of disgust that shames victims into staying silent, how does portraying their interaction as "special olympics" not feed that very shame?
What I meant to say was, it's interesting that this comment board has become an open forum more for the under-educated and the too-strainingly intellectual types. CCG is a strong, amazing woman who has gone through horrific things, things that happen to an appalingly large percentage of women. Grey rape is a new-ish kind of abuse... it's rape that is not easily defined as such by normal standards, and many times women who experience it blame themselves.
No means no means NO in every language on every part of this earth, and if that is not respected, it is rape. No room to wiggle.
Gee, mike, I never concealed the predatory nature of my vendetta. If I did, I am sorry. I never claimed to be consistent, nor did I claim to make myself the hero defender of rape victims. I dislike you, and I don’t have any need to hide it. I don’t mind taking part in the Special Olympics with you because I know I’m not above anyone else, but you don’t. I’m thrilled that you find it necessary to compete with others like yourself, others like me. Oh, and the responses you’ve been coming up with lately…the “WHATEEEEVEER’s” and the “sucks to be you.” What’s next, mike? Talk to the hand?
I have to say I love you recently compared yourself to Lindberg crossing the Atlantic solo. You never fail to give me a good laugh. As for lightening up, this is fun for me. After a hearty breakfast, a two-mile run, I feel more refreshed then ever and ready to perform brain surgery on you, to help relieve the pressure from your swollen head. And yes, mike, I am dependent on others because when more than a few people tell you to check yourself in, or that you’re scaring them, you should probably listen. But I know you’ve been living with yourself for so long that you no longer recognize egomania or insanity.
You know I was going to say in my comment in which I described the poem above as a “sing-song poem about a penis,” I didn’t read it carefully. I just read your comment lambasting it because it is in asshole-bold and hard to miss. But then, after I read your comment saying that I ridiculed it, I went back to look at it, and it was as harmless as the first time I read through it, only this time I did so more carefully. I described it as “sing-song” because I felt it was juvenile, not that I thought it ridiculed rape victims. I never said or suggested that. If CCG thought it was meant to ridicule, she would have deleted it, but she didn’t. With that, I apologize to the writer of the poem that I described it as a “sing-song poem about a penis.” The thing about you is that you can’t be wrong, ever. You can’t admit that you could have misconstrued the poem. You, mike, the great defender of rape victims, cannot admit that you wrongly attacked a rape victim in your overall attack of others. The thing is that you don’t trust anyone, but yourself. You don’t even trust CCG to defend herself, to delete what she wants to delete. You even have to tell others what is in her mind. I’ve told you what my hidden, personal agenda is. I have no need to hide it. But yours, what’s yours, mike? And what are you going to defend against in the next post to explain why you feel the need to leave so many comments? I know you don’t spread pennies of your time around if you weren’t planning on making dollars out of them. So what is it?
correction: I have to say I love how you recently compared yourself to Lindberg
I know you'll be scrambling for anything you can make bold and take out of context, so I'll correct it for you.
ccg:
I almost missed ur response to my post between all the back and forth...
You're right, the bad neighborhood thing is by no means a perfect analogy and I didn't mean to suggest that the rape and muggings are similar in any way in the emotional damage or stigma they carry.
I only meant to use it the sense that an outsider might say, "Well, what were you doing there at that time of night?!" And thus shift the blame to the victim.
I'm having trouble articulating what I mean exactly without sounding like I think victims are to blame too... I guess I think a question like the one above isn't totally invalid - the person in that analogy HAS exposed himself to an unnecessary risk (assuming there were other options). It doesn't mean he DESERVED it, of course. I just think we should recognize some situations are inherently riskier than others - no matter what crime we are talking about. Those who "blame the victim" take this wayyy too far, but it is fair to consider.
Of course, If you are going to live life and not be a shut-in, you are necessarily going to expose yourself to risks of all forms. And it's important to take risks, I think, unless you want to be entirely boring.
Yeah, absolutely. Delete everything you don't like. Everyone knows that the sole purpose of having a comments section on a blog is so that other people can shower the writer with accolades, and heaven forfend that anyone should express disagreement.
It's all in how those people are expressing their disagreement. Saying that someone deserved to be raped is an attack, not simply saying "I disagree." Deleting abusive comments is different that simply deleting dissenting opinions. And no one should be able to define for anyone else the physical parameters of what constitutes rape. Especially people who can't express their opinions in a non-offensive manner.
Gee, mike, I never concealed the predatory nature of my vendetta. If I did, I am sorry. I never claimed to be consistent, nor did I claim to make myself the hero defender of rape victims. I dislike you, and I don’t have any need to hide it.
Your agenda didn't have to be concealed to qualify as hidden, simply withheld.
I don’t mind taking part in the Special Olympics with you because I know I’m not above anyone else, but you don’t.
Accusations of narcissism, from the man who admits to indulging in a predatory agenda.
If it sucks to be me, then it really sucks to be you because you’ve been working really, really hard to defend CCG and the other rape victims, and yet no one has stepped up to defend you. Not one comment has been deleted calling you out as a creepy asshole who needs to check himself in. You’re on your own...
So you only know your worth from how dependent you are on others? You'd think Lindberg never got a parade for crossing the Atlantic solo.
[I have to say I love how you recently compared yourself to Lindberg.] You never fail to give me a good laugh.
Your criticism of me literally applies to Lindberg. That isn't my problem.
And yes, mike, I am dependent on others because when more than a few people tell you to check yourself in, or that you’re scaring them, you should probably listen. But I know you’ve been living with yourself for so long that you no longer recognize egomania or insanity.
So if no one posts that I'm scaring them, you suddenly won't be dependent on anyone anymore? If I get hit by a bus, you'll suddenly move out of your parents' basement? How does my dissent determine your dependence or independence?
I didn’t see the “sing-song poem” as meaning to ridicule rape victims. I thought it was written by a rape victim...
I described it as “sing-song” because I felt it was juvenile...
I hear contradiction is the new black.
...not that I thought it ridiculed rape victims.
So if it's juvenile, it can't be ridicule? How does it being juvenile disprove it being ridicule?
The thing about you is that you can’t be wrong, ever.
You can always make it a first and cite something inaccurate I've said. Otherwise you are simply criticizing me for having no resolve to be wrong.
You, mike, the great defender of rape victims, cannot admit that you wrongly attacked a rape victim in your overall attack of others.
A feminist, kick-boxer, and "jiu-jitsu artist" is going to do better than refer to herself as "i, feminist, kick-boxer, jiu-jitsu artist," write in bad e.e. cummings (or, in your words, juvenilia) why she can't articulate her account of why she didn't kick the girlfriend's boyfriend's ass afterward. Get a verifiable kick-boxer and "jiu-jitsu artist" to cop to the post, and maybe you'll have something over me.
The thing is that you don’t trust anyone, but yourself. You don’t even trust CCG to defend herself, to delete what she wants to delete.
When CCG herself says she had denied what she went through was rape, it is appropriate for anyone to challenge the kind of disgust that shames victims into staying silent when it shows up here, man- who- admitted- feeling- CCG- took- no- precautions- against- being- raped.
You even have to tell others what is in her mind.
How does you having to be told CCG's account from her own post not mean it sucks to be you?
If you witness someone confronting what seems to be the kind of disgust that shames victims into staying silent, how does portraying their interaction as "special olympics" not feed that very shame?
I’ve told you what my hidden, personal agenda is. I have no need to hide it. But yours, what’s yours, mike?
Thank you for demonstrating you aren't reading my post. It's much easier to tolerate your vitriol when you've demonstrated it's based on nothing that has taken place.
And what are you going to defend against in the next post to explain why you feel the need to leave so many comments?
You.
If even you aren't going give your attacks against me any credibility, so-much-so you demonstrate they require no response, why should anyone else?
This is beyond fucked up, you want to have your petty little argument fine, do it but dont take over the comment page where people are talking about their rape experiences.
I am simply addressing accusations against me, in the forum they've been made. When he admits to indulging in a personal hatred of me, he is admitting he isn't playing by any rules -- as does the predator. If you shelter his fixed game, you are part of the problem -- beyond fucked up.
Hi CCG!
Yes, keep telling the truth!
This is my blog: http://bunny-j.blogspot.com/
I´m a Swedish girl, Scandinavia, who just had to be true about something that I´ve carried for a while concerning the Johns...
BJ.
Thing is, mike, by now it's a fair number of CCG's readers who grow weary of your whiny, self-precious, and irrelevant prattle. I mean, do you doubt this? Or just not care?
Good afternoon, mike. I just read your long love letter to me, and I have to say that I am disappointed. We haven’t made any progress. Your man panties are in a tighter knot than when we started, and now they’ve disappeared into your ass-line.
Anonymous at 1:01- I agree. I’ll stop.
Anonymous at 7:03- Thank you for stating the obvious.
Today is a beautiful day, mike. People are holding hands and singing, birds are chirping and the sun is shining. Free and happy bloggers everywhere have one wish and that is not to hear from you ever again, but that would be like asking for world peace. So today, we’ll have to celebrate something else, and that is you’ve won! You, my good man, have won the first ever CCG Special Olympics, and for that you get to creep on up to the podium and accept your gold medal. If you take a bite, there’s chocolate surprise inside ;) Victory is sweet, isn’t it, mike? Save your applauses, folks. Mike is sure to make a victory speech.
Anonymous at 1:01- I agree. I’ll stop.
Anonymous at 7:03- Thank you for stating the obvious.
Anonymous, have you been introduced to Anonymous and Anonymous? Do you know each other through the New England Anonymi, or the mid-Atlantic Anonymi?
I am simply addressing accusations against me, in the forum they've been made. When [anonymous poster] admits to indulging in a personal hatred of me, he is admitting he isn't playing by any rules -- as does the predator. If you shelter his fixed game, you are part of the problem...
Today is a beautiful day, mike. People are holding hands and singing, birds are chirping and the sun is shining. Free and happy bloggers everywhere have one wish and that is not to hear from you ever again, but that would be like asking for world peace. So today, we’ll have to celebrate something else, and that is you’ve won
I'm glad you've decided to put something above the predatory agenda you admitted to. Considering how little literal disagreement with what I've said has taken place, it's a wonder anyone challenged anything I said.
MXM5WY Your blog is great. Articles is interesting!
7xpre8 Please write anything else!
actually, that's brilliant. Thank you. I'm going to pass that on to a couple of people.
Wonderful blog.
Hello all!
Thanks to author.
Thank you, CCG. I think you made the right call.
And thank you for allowing us to post about our experiences. I hope people realize it happens. To a lot of us.
actually, that's brilliant. Thank you. I'm going to pass that on to a couple of people.
Hiya CCG- I haven't been commenting on your blog lately, but I have been reading it now and then.
I applaud your bravery for posting up those sexual assult you've experienced in your past. It goes without saying that you've indeed earned yourself a long line of dedicated followers. There are a couple of dickheads on the internet who hide behind their computer and type up a bunch of bullshit so they could sound like they have something to say- don't pay them any attention, it is exactly that they seek. I don't think they deserve more than a withering sigh from anyone unfortunate enough to stumble upon their comments- their immaturity is fairly obvious and shouldn't be something you should bother yourself with.
Blog on, CCG~
actually, that's brilliant. Thank you. I'm going to pass that on to a couple of people.
i'm sure those who commented that have raped in the past are in complete denial of what they have put their victims through.
i have been raped three times (too drunk to realize) and it really makes me sick to think guys think it's ok.
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her thick black ass -
horny spanish flies -
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intense penetrations -
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in the vip -
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jerk that cock bitch -
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