Hookers in History

Welcome to the first installment of Hookers in History! Imagine reverb. I’m going to use this space to give a big ol’ shout-out to the trailblazing ladies who made prostitution the world’s oldest profession. First up, Theresa Berkley.

Ms. Berkley (if you’re nasty) ran a London brothel specializing in what was colloquially known as “the English vice.” That’s flagellation, for those of you not up on the kinks of 19th century Brits. The Berk herself had a reputation for being a master of chastisement, flogging, and whipping customers, but she had underlings to take the abuse for patrons who preferred inflicting pain to receiving.

Check this quote from Wikipedia:

"For those whose lech it was to flog a woman, she would herself submit to a certain extent; but if they were gluttons at it, she had women in attendance who would take any number of lashes the flogger pleased, provided he forked out an ad valorem duty. Among these were Miss Ring, Hannah Jones, Sally Taylor, One-eyed Peg, Bauld-cunted Poll, and a black girl, called Ebony Bet."

How awesome are 19th-century hooker names? I mean, before you ever slept with Bauld-cunted Poll, you knew what you were getting. With a name like that, I bet she felt a lot of pressure to keep her shit smooth. A bush is pretty rare in this day and age, but even so, a lady likes to try out a new hairstyle every now and again. Peg was totally boxed in when it came to her box. Sorta like the Spice girls, except with pubes.

And Theresa herself not only a dominatrix (known then as a “governess”), but she was an INVENTOR, too. She created a piece of BDSM apparatus called the Berkley Horse, which let the girls flog from multiple angles. I mean, this lady did it all.

The Horse and her mastery of pain made her a favorite among the local aristocracy, sort of the Charlie Sheens of their day. After she died, even her own brother didn’t want her dirty money or tainted boxes of letters from the rich and powerful, so it all ended up going to the crown, except for the letters, which were destroyed.

It’s bad enough they destroyed her rolodex, but is there any worse way to insult a whore than to give all her money away?

Theresa Berkley, I salute you!